Actions Must Match Your Words

By Chad Foster, Family Law Attorney · Updated September 30, 2026

A divorce is often one of the most challenging negotiations you will ever face, both legally and emotionally. Custody, division of assets, financial support, and even decisions about pets can become points of contention. Each party typically has a long list of demands, but courts focus less on rhetoric and more on demonstrated behavior. Understanding Washington's divorce process can help you prepare for what lies ahead. For a focused explanation, read Which Marriages Are Void or Prohibited in Washington.

Talk Is Cheap

Judges recognize that many demands in divorce proceedings are made out of frustration or spite. Attempts to deny parenting time, retain prized possessions, or avoid financial obligations are common. For this reason, courts place significant weight on actions rather than polished speeches or rehearsed arguments.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Opposing counsel will scrutinize your conduct closely. Any inconsistency between your claims and your behavior can undermine your credibility. If you assert financial hardship, your lifestyle should reflect restraint. Extravagant purchases, luxury vacations, or public displays of wealth can weaken arguments against spousal support or alimony. Even your social media activity can be used as evidence. Demonstrating financial responsibility and conservative spending strengthens your position.

Custody and Visitation

Children are often the most sensitive aspect of divorce. If you seek expanded visitation or shared custody, your current involvement will be examined. Judges expect parents to maximize existing parenting time and show consistent commitment. Documenting visits, engaging meaningfully with your children, and demonstrating reliability all reinforce your case for increased custody or visitation rights. Consider how shared parenting arrangements can benefit your children during this transition.

Final Notes

Courts favor actions that align with your claims. Words should describe your conduct, not contradict it. By living in a way that supports your legal arguments, you strengthen your credibility and improve your chances of achieving a fair outcome.