Pick Your Battles Wisely

By Chad Foster, Family Law Attorney · Updated July 17, 2026

It is natural to feel the urge to prevail over those who have hurt us. In the context of divorce, however, the legal process is not designed to deliver absolute victories. Instead, it requires compromise and careful strategy. A skilled divorce attorney will emphasize from the beginning that you cannot expect to achieve every demand, and that compromise is often essential to reaching resolution. In King and Snohomish Counties, mandatory mediation provides a structured environment for reaching these compromises.

Establish a Priority Scale

While it is true that not all demands can be met, you can still secure many of the outcomes that matter most. Begin by creating a comprehensive list of your priorities—whether custody arrangements, property division, or personal items. Rank these in order of importance, marking which are non-negotiable and which are open to compromise. This structured approach helps you and your attorney focus on what truly matters.

Consulting with your lawyer during this process is critical. Their experience allows them to identify realistic goals and develop a strategy that maximizes your position while avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Focus on What Matters

Divorce proceedings can easily devolve into disputes over minor issues. Resist the temptation to engage in petty arguments. Instead, keep your attention on the most significant aspects of the case. Compromise on less important matters when necessary, as this can strengthen your position in negotiations and demonstrate good faith.

On critical issues such as custody and real estate, stand firm. With a clear priority list, your attorney can advocate effectively and protect your core interests. Remember that your actions must match your words throughout the process to maintain credibility with the court.

Consider the Long-Term Perspective

Compromise is not weakness—it is often the most financially and emotionally prudent path. Prolonged disputes increase costs and stress. By letting go of less essential demands, you show a willingness to move forward, which can lead to smoother negotiations and better overall outcomes.

Every divorce is unique. Work closely with your attorney to weigh the benefits and drawbacks of each decision, and approach negotiations with a balanced perspective that serves your long-term interests.